Mind-Dump, 1 of Many

I wont call 'this' a writer's block. April has been a very productive month with respect to churning out posts in comparison to May. The main reason that I post is to go back and re-live some of my best moments. By 'best moments', I don't mean the good times, the parties, the drives, but also the pains and frustrations. I am what I am because I have risen only to be slammed down and asked to rise up. This does not upset me. We fall so we can get back up on our feet.

Let me explain 'this'. This is not writer's block. My mind is empty right now. I don't know what I want to write. There is no preconceived script floating in my head. All I know is that I have to write. This is not the time when I am writing to organize my thoughts. I guess I am writing to generate thoughts. This is the first time that I have done this. A part of me says that I am a freak...a small part. What kind of a person writes to be able to think?

As I look back at April's posts and try to see a trend of some sort so that I can figure out this excessive writing spree, I notice that it is not the topics that are of significance, it is my thinking time. All the posts were written when a rough script was ready in my mind. Then, posting was just as easy as copying in an exam. You see, at my job, there are busy weeks and months and then light weeks and months. April was one of those light months. That is the time when we engineers concentrate on training and self learning. I spent my time finishing up extra large costing sheets and almost finished up preparing training slides for a software that I am sort of proficient in. I have found that my mind is always on a thinking drive. I am always thinking about something. Mostly, it is about a project, an analysis glitch, a complicated macro or an impossible solution for a demanding client. I love to live my work. Even though I come home by 5:30, I am thinking about the project till I sleep. There have been times when I have had a break through idea while frying onions with teary eyes.

These self-learning and training activities do not come home with me and I end up with plenty of time to write a script in my head while driving home at break-neck speeds and walking Laya. That is why April has been so heavy on post content.

Starting this Monday, I have been assigned a project that I am the lead in. For the first time my boss made me a lead. It is very challenging and I almost blush like a newly wed wife when I delegate work to other engineers, all more experienced than me. It is not a hard project and it involves fundamentals that I learned last year. Plus, there looks like some tricky excel maneuvers, the kind that I so so love. We have a complex costing sheet that spans over innumerable tabs and even more formulas. This sheet has a direct impact on the finances of the project and a screw up means more than just a slap on the hands. My maneuvers will need to summon my slickest excel and macro making skills. I am pumped up about this project.

Especially today, I barely sat at my desk .In and out of meetings, time just flew by. My body is also kind of sore from working out. That is probably why my mind was in hibernate mode.

Almost forget to mention, I raced Sven's Mazda RX-8 today. Neck and neck baby!!! His little red sports car was almost a match for my heavy sedan, almost. I felt better that I was not driving a granny-car. Though he had more grunt at launch, my torque motor picked up the pace quickly. He did not make one full length in front of me. My evil mind is already thinking about getting a 'more appropriate' car (read:a quicker, faster, leaner and meaner car... of course I have one in my mind...the 2006 Pontiac GTO. 400 hp and 400 ft-lb of torque, that baby is damn affordable at under $34,000). God help my soul. Pray for me people, for I am about to go bankrupt one day buying cars.