Monday, May 21, 2007

frands and frandseeps

I wish Wikipedia would define ‘Frands’ or ‘Frandseep’ but it doesn’t. So Shek has to do it himself.

There are friends and there are acquaintances but most people confuse between the two. Some like me have a stronger definition for Friendship than most do. Some like me prefer to wait for that special bond before declaring an acquaintance as a friend. Acquaintances, I have many and then there are some that think they are an acquaintance to me but I could really do without them for ever.

Frands I have none. To have frands (sometimes spelled ‘frends’ or ‘phrens’ as in ‘Phrenseep’), I would have to be a 20 something girl on Orkut with one decent picture and a relatively common name. This is what the common Indian guy does in his spare time. He logs on to his orkut account and hits the search button. Then types in his location (usually something like a major city name where they think cute chicks reside) and the age range of the girl; hits enter and browses through. I have been guilty till this stage of activity. Your Shek is not so dudh ka dhula hua! The one time I did it (god-promise only one time); I came out with a friend who is funny, cool and very nice to hang out with.

Once a cute-chick-profile is found, most guys usually start messing up. Without being shameful enough for their name to come up on the ‘recently visited’ section, they leave a retarded ice-breaker in the scrap book for everyone to see. Instead of something smart, un-intrusive, funny and un-insulting, they bluntly say things like:

  1. “I stumbled upon your profile, don’t ask me how.” What M.F.!!!…did you trip and fall?!?!
  2. “Looking at your profile…I think you are an amazing person” You must be an antaryami (all-knowledgable priest) to know what kind of a person someone is by reading what movies she likes and what color her eyes are. Can you look at the share market for me please?
  3. “Hi. I am kool and you are too. Check out my profile”. Let me complete the sentence for you, Mr Kool: “….Check out my profile and you will find a mirror in it that I look at every hour admiring my थोब्डा (face), my hair and my oh-so-gorgeous-smile”…Yes Mr. Narcissus, you are fabulous!!!
  4. “Can we be the frand?”I am confused. Can you ispeak the English?
  5. “Reply Plz”; “Add me to ur frnd lst plz” This is no SMS, boy. Type that extra few letters. And, how desperate can you be?
  6. “I know you must be bored hearing this again and again, but …blah-blah-same-old-BS” This is the sensitive type. He is oh so aware of the abundance of filth in a cute-chick’s scrap page that he had to sugar coat his own so his bull-crap could stand out in the midst of other stinky turds.
  7. “hey, u hvnt replied” Mr. SMS back again, this time he demands an answer. She doesn’t need to know if she has replied or not. She didn’t reply, so she knows.
  8. “hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” This bugger seriously believes the number of ‘i’s in ‘Hi’ is directly proportional to his perceived coolness factor. Dude, ever tried pronouncing it? It only makes you sound like a retarded kid. Invariably, someone will have a few extra ‘i’s among the next 10 scraps.
  9. “hey, are you from so-and-so place? Where exactly in so-and-so place?” This is just like saying, “Hi! I like your pictures and hence am looking forward to stalking you. Moreover, I actually think you are dumb enough to tell me exactly where you live. If that does not satisfy you, I am even dumber to wait for your reply and if you don’t, I will pull a #7 on you.”

Exception to the rule:
There are guys who defy all possibilities of rejection even after sending out silly and foolish scraps and actually end up with girls falling head-over-god-dang-heels over them. They are the pretty guys who have a good game on in their orkut album.

Disclaimer: Shek is not at all threatened by over-eager little boys prowling cute-chick’s profiles. He writes this post out of his sheer respect for women and thinks that every woman deserves better, even in an orkut scrap book. So ladies, the next time you see that funny, cool and handsome blogger in Florida, ask him out so you don’t have to wait for pesky-little-boys to come knocking on your orkut-door.


Neihal said...

Seriously who in the name of hell came up with that spelling?? Who is responsible ??

that spelling makes my blood boil. Maybe coz what it stands for, what you have mentioned. UGH!!

PS: we see changes, we see more changes coming up. ;)

Rowe said...


That was hilarious!!! :) and "Frands!!" yeah i've seen that one...:)


Shek said...

Who ever is responsible is got to be a hindi. I actually knew guys who would pronounce it that way!

Glad you enjoyed.

Did anyone follow my 'fabulous' link? Just curious.

iz said...

Ah. Frands. I miss Orkut if only for teh entertainment value. Deleted my profile when the solicitations got too much. Anyway, if you're jobless, you can go through my old posts for two entitled "you meet such nice people over the internet" and "the reason why unemployment is considered such a malaise in India." you'll know what really happens beyond scrapbooks then.

fafridi said...

this is about the funniest frandship "scrap" that i've seen till date. It read exactly thus 'u r the most beautyful angle in the hole world'. it's also a li'l creepy if you read too much into those spellings but outright hilarious :D

Shek said...

I am rolling on the floor laughing at that scrap. How did I miss that one!?!?!

Shek said...

I read the two posts. I cant believe they send such emails. Does it work? Do girls say yes to such advances, even with the poor grammar?

I am ashamed.

Shek said...

I was talking to iz about her 15 December 2006 blog entry on an email she received from this guy.

Sayesha said...

Hahahaha! Funny! I used to get a lot of random "Hai, how r u?" messages (man the "Hai" really gets to me!!) till I decided to put a really rude message on my profile to ask those buggers who don't know me to bugger off. Problem solved :D

nivi said...

first time here and oh my couldn't help but read that post. He's one that happened onto my scarp (unfortunately i deleted it but the gist of it was) blah blah "I think you are the one i've been waiting for" what!!!????? best part was exact same message was there on my friends scrap a few days later!

Shek said...

Hai! Welcome to my Crib.

I think that is the modus operandi. I have already established that the creativity is minimal. Hence the same BS gets repeated.
Check out iz's posts (my comment)
You write well. I subscribed on my reader.

Sayesha said...

//Hai! Welcome to my Crib.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! :@

That's it man, I don't want to frandship you! Hmph! :/

Shek said...

here is a new one:
Can I have a hand of friendship with you?"

I vote 'High' more than 'Hai'...

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

u r the most beautyful angle in the hole world'

Crazy Dhakkan said...

One funny scrap I read is "can we fransip"? WTF!?!?

I once got a scrap - "whatta smile" hahaha! I kept it on, because when that scrap came, I was posing as a rickshaw driver on my profile! LOL!

Long time since I got a scrap like that! Sigh! :D Wish I had a common name! :P