Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Star Wars

The way I see it, I am supposed to either talk about eight weird things about me or ten facts about me or both. Eighteen? I dont think you want to read all eighteen. Sakshi tagged me here: link. I already have a clear line of what is personal and what is public. So, these will be the most useless personal pieces of information that I can share in public.

EIGHT WEIRD THINGS

1. I am very successful professionally and financially. Actually, the real words were, "will be very successful blah blah blah" but stooping below the lofty belief that people of this day have for horror-scopes, I have to accept the inevitable and change the sentences from future to present tense. All future tense sentences will be in the present tense.

2. I have a definite divorce. Yes, the verdict has been made by horror-scope makers all over the south asian continent. Shek would like to get married to a nice bengali girl but a divorce is inevitable. Hence, Shek requests permission to conduct a live in relationship till the age of 30 after which chances of a divorce are 'minimal'. I am sure the live-in relationship idea has the same fate as of one Richard Gere.

3. I am extremely moody. So, now I am a pregnant woman in her eighth month? Mr. Horror-scope maker, please decide, you want me to be a man or a woman?! And how the hell do I get hold of a zygote?

4. I get angry very easily. Maybe I should start taking those steroids after all because I ain't nearly as angry as they predict me to me. In fact, I am the most non angry person to ever walk this planet. But that will all change! Testosterone Cypionate, here I come.

5. Jupiter is my planet and I should only get married to a girl from jupiter. Hey, I thought men are from mars and women from venus? Damn it! Horror-scopes have completely shattered my faith in other similarly useless pieces of information. I want to be from planet Zargon. Can I get to chose the planet? Please Please Please. I want to marry a fellow Zargonian because the Matrimonial Laws of Zargon clearly state the following:"Law 571, Para 5B: No financial exchanges will be allowed at a divorce settlement. Corollary to Law 571, Para5C: If antiquated prediction methodologies of under-developed civilizations prove that the separating husband may have ancestral origin of Jupiter, then he receives alimony and an Aston Martin."

6. I am destined to have a surgery of the leg by the age of 30. This surgery will allow me to carry more weight, only gracefully. By the age of 35, I will receive an extra brain as a rose day present. This will be attached to my butt to make me more productive while sitting down.

7. By the age of 26 and 2 months my you-know-what-that-cant-be-named-in-public-blogs will start growing at the rate of 1 inch per year with a standard deviation of 1/125th inch per year. By the age of 45, I will be able to open the door with my you-know-what-that-cant-be-named-in-public-blogs across the room without getting up from my seat.

last but not the least,
8. I am Manglik. Hence, if I marry a non-manglik, she will die, i repeat, die, within one year (no deviation). Hence, there is a greater chance of dying getting married to Shek than there is while walking on the streets, smoking a cigarette, flying on Air India flights and eating pani puri outside Dombvili Railway Station.

But number 8 is in contradiction to number 2. How can I have a divorce if my wife is supposed to die? Maybe it has already been predicted by the holy texts that I am destined to marry a fellow Manglik (in the female gender). H.G. Wells, eat dirt. We hindus already have in factuality what you spent all this time writing a fictional book about.


TEN FACTS ABOUT ME

1. I hate yahoo messenger.
2. I dig girls with navel rings and/or lower-back tattoos.
3. I am not a dog lover. I just love Laya and Eddie.
4. I have been extremely lazy for the past few months.
5. I have inadequate financial planning.
6. I am working on my financial planning skills.
7. I love food. Not quantity but quality. I may not be the epitome of gluttony but I am up there on the list.
8. I hate it when people don't reply to emails and voice mails. If I have the decency to take up my time to record a message for you, you must show the decency of calling me back.
9. I don't care who you are but I will kick your butt from Jupiter to Planet Zargon if you insult either of my parents or my brother.
10. I will be your best friend if you let me, I will be an acquaintance or a nobody but I will not be your worst enemy. If I cant be your friend, I will not elevate you with the respect of being my worst enemy.





Just when you thought your reading for the day was over...

Crystal Blur is tagged
Rowena is tagged
Glazed Donut is tagged
iz is tagged
Vivek is tagged

10 comments:

Neihal said...

haha

You r still mighty pissed with the wise world of Astrologers. :P

Shek said...

mildly

The Last Sign said...

Well you could make a Holy-wood actor astrologically speaking :D

@7: Walking stick?
or else by 45 u will have 3 legs which means u can do away with the surgery @ 30
@6: So if you get the brain put on you-know-what-that-cant-be-named-in-public-blogs ..then you can open the door with ur mind...hmmm...Houdini
...and then we'd know what u mean by when u say.."she's sitting on my head"..lol
Keep on rocking :)

Anonymous said...

i totally loved #10 and the diginity you accord to yourself :)

arpana said...

Aishoo! that last anon was ME ME MEEEEE!!!
dunno wat goof up I made up there!

Shek said...

@Last Sign...welcome
I dont want to be a hollywood actor. I want to invest in property in Planet Zargon and move there.
I still want the surgery because the you-know-what-that-cant-be-named-in-public-blogs will not make my walk very graceful.

@Arpana...welcome
Good ups are allowed in Planet Zargon. You should consider moving there. Just dont use Air India to get there.

The Last Sign said...

Oh it will... every steady thing is atop a tripod :)

Sakshi said...

Hmm.. I do detect a tad bit of anger at the astrologers :P
But I know of a Peepal tree that is waiting to get married - long in the tooth but still :P

Shek said...

@Sakshi,
Maybe someday I will write about the cause of my slight discontent towards astrology.
It is a big circus, this astrology, gemology, palmistry and I am fine watching it from a distance. I ain't clowning around in it by marring a Peepal tree ;)...and no, I dont want to be like Aishwarya Rai.

I wear a few rings to keep my mom and dad satisfied 8500 miles away. Thats about it.

Crazy Dhakkan said...

//. Hey, I thought men are from mars and women from venus?

Hey, you haven't heard?

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but if there is a sale in Jupiter, were are in Jupiter, baby! :D

One astrologer told me i am going to be famous! :D So all ya mortals, just wait and watch! :P